This is Family

At Not Abandoned, we think of ourselves as a family. We have a strong conviction that our ability to help those in need is directly linked to our ability to welcome women not into a program or system, but a family. But what exactly is a family? And how does being a family change the way we help?

Family embraces the messiness of relationship.

Relationships are hard. They take work, time, and commitment. In a school environment, the teacher/student relationship is governed by expectations. Failed tests, missed classes or poor performance can all lead to ending the relationship. In a work environment, the boss/employee relationship is governed by expectations. Poor teamwork, missed shifts, or failure to do a job properly can all lead to ending the relationship. Family (done well) is one of the few environments that doesn’t work this way. With us, there is no contract, no expected level of commitment or behavior that our continued relationship depends on. As long as the women we work with want to be part of our community, they are welcome. Some would disagree with this approach. Some might say that unconditional community lacks the necessary motivation (all carrot and no stick) that women need to push them to succeed. But we believe that a safe environment is the only foundation on which true healing (and with it, growth and change) can occur. So, we commit to the messy, the complicated, and “three steps forward two steps back” that is family.

Family is more loyal to its members than to strategy or ideology.

We have strong opinions. We work hard to develop effective strategies. But we are always willing to throw out the playbook and come up with something different for the sake of our community. Because this isn’t about the success or failure of our plans or using these women’s stories to affirm our own beliefs. It is about supporting these women, and bending our own preconceived ideas to the reality of their situation. We learn from them as much as (if not more than) they learn from us, because family doesn’t just talk. Family listens. Family doesn’t just teach. Family learns.

Family bends, morphs, and sacrifices for its members.If it’s easy, it probably isn’t family. Family is where you can have a bad day, clash, and annoy each other, but know that when it matters, you have each other’s backs. To do family, you have to get close enough to experience the downside of relationship. You have to sacrifice some of your autonomy, some of your resources, and some of the tidy organization that makes life simpler. In our effort to build family, we have had to learn how to give our time, our resources and our focus to the little details that can so easily go unnoticed, to sometimes sacrifice the “big picture” for what seems small and mundane. We have learned that real love is primarily an exercise in patient and attentive care. It may lack the “sexiness” of a good Hollywood script…but we are willing to break the rules of good storytelling. Our plot is expendable. Our characters are not!

Family is about creating an environment, not guaranteeing an outcome.We want all of the women we work with to succeed. We want them to grow, learn, and find their way. But we recognize that building up expectations and defining success is not our job. It’s theirs. Our role is to create an environment that is safe enough to calm their fears, malleable enough to fit their unique personalities and needs, and robust enough to absorb their mistakes. We DO feel tempted to micromanage their choices, steer them towards our preferred outcome, and blame ourselves when things go wrong. Letting go of control is hard! But restoration is about so much more than just escaping abuse or finding a better job. If we really believe in the immense value of these women, then we must also trust them with their choices.

At Not Abandoned, we think of ourselves as a family. We don’t know all the answers, and we don’t live up to all of our ideals. But we continue to believe in each other, and we continue to believe in the women at the heart of our community.

YOU ARE ALSO PART OF THIS FAMILY. As a supporter of freedom you are part of the Not Abandoned community. You celebrate with our victories and grieve alongside us the atrocities of exploitation. You share our stories and read these updates to stay informed. You talk with your friends about the realities of trafficking and even join in with your hands and feet to volunteer here in the US and abroad. This is the commitment of family.

As family often does during time of challenges, we also ask each other for help and support. We are asking that of you today.

We have remained steady and growing through this season of a global pandemic, but unfortunately our financial support has taken a hit.

Would you consider now making a donation to Not Abandoned to ensure that freedom is not forgotten?

We need you help to continue forward. We cannot abandon this cause; we cannot abandon our family.